We all know the past 12 months have been a year of mostly downs. Those who've emergered for 2020 with still some smile on their face have done so only by savouring the little moments, the mundane things.
For me it was walking past the Sanity in Port Pirie and seeing they had signs up promoting pre-orders of the upcoming James Bond film, No Time To Die, on home video - a film that is almost certainly never coming out, in cinemas, streaming or otherwise.
Please enjoy: the only part of this film that will ever be released.
When the movie was first delayed from April 2020 to November 2020, it was hard news for many film fans to swallow, but they nonetheless had a date to look forward to. I thought that it was surely ridiculous for Sanity in Port Pirie to keep the banner up in store, in a prime position, but they did it all the same: for the fans.
How I feel walking in to Sanity - via GIPHY
For almost 8 months, I smiled at the absurd idea that somebody would want to not just see, but own forever, the upcoming James Bond movie No Time To Die. I marvelled at the ambition of a person who pre-orders anything during a year where the release of blockbuster franchise films had come to a dead stop. I chuckled as I imagined a guy whose whole life revolves around unwrapping his copy of the 25th Bond adventure the day it dropped. Maybe he pre-ordered two copies, one to collect and one to watch. Perhaps he never even knew the movie was coming out, but saw the sign as he walked past Sanity in the Pirie West Shopping Centre and simply had to have it, forever, in stunning high definition.
November came and the release date changed once again, to March 2021, but still, Sanity management felt that customers should have the option to pre-order themselves a copy of a film that wouldn't be seen for another four months, and wouldn't see the shelves for at least another three months after that. I began to feel for this beautiful dork who kept being denied of his life's destiny of owning No Time To Die, and finally beating the many curses laid upon that film during its production, including but not limited to: the initial director being fired in pre-production, the replacement director reportedly clashing with Daniel Craig, Daniel Craig breaking his ankle, an on-set explosion gone wrong, some creep planting cameras in the women's toilets on-set, and potentially having to reshoot all the product placement in the film (at huge cost) because all of the cars/phones/watches won't be the latest models by whenever the film is actually released.
Puh-lease. That Land Rover is *so* November 2020 - via GIPHY
As of writing, No Time To Die is now scheduled to release some time around October 2021. Alas, the local entertainment retailer has seemingly conceeded defeat. The billboard is no longer in-store, replaced by new releases of films that are actually available to purchase. I don't know if you can still pre-order No Time to Die in store, and I didn't ask, but I weep for this made up guy I imagined...
With any luck, the next sign to be removed from Prime West Shopping Centre will be this ancient Magic FM billboard that gives the incorrect number for the text line. I've never given this number out on-air! Get it out of here!
(Why is my finger in this shot? Well I took it, on the side of the road, in such a rush that I never noticed it. But it kinda looks like I'm pointing, doesn't it? In which case, I meant to put my finger in the photo...)