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Surviving the Festival of Footy

The 2020 AFL season is well under-way, and the next few weeks are set to be a doozy. From tonight, there will be 33 matches in 20 days across Rounds 9, 10, 11 and 12. 

footy fans atm - via GIPHY and GIPHY

The "Festival of Footy" is set to delight fans of the game - and inconvenience any partners, housemates, and others who aren't too interested in the sport. Sharing a tv is hard, and for those who'd rather watch something else, this won't be a case of finding something else to do for a few hours on Saturday night; this will require a strategy every single day for almost three weeks. I'm here to help...


Send them to the pub

I'm starting with the easy route: ask them to go to the pub, maybe join some friends and see it on the big screen. If they don't have friends, why not build an online profile for them? I know those apps aren't actually used for friendship, but there's a first time for everything.

Buy them a radio

What a nice present! And you put so much care and thought into finding the perfect gift, you'll feel so awful if you don't see them enjoying it every single day... really guilt trip them. How fortunate that the matches will all be broadcast live. 


Develop a crush on every single player

...and every single team. Don't be shy about this. Learn the names, learn their physiques - and never be quiet about them. The idea is to be so vocal, so pervy, for the players that the footy fan in your life is too uncomfortable to watch the games with you. If it's your partner who wants to watch the footy, make them jealous. If it's a friend, show them a side of you they've never seen - and cannot un-see. You'll find something else to watch soon enough.

Get more into it than they are

Sort of similar, but possibly easier. Is footy their thing? Steal it from them. You're now the footy guy, and it's no fun for them if you like it too. This works: I recently bought a 35mm film camera and it's been lots of fun - until my housemate saw how much fun I'm having and decided he'd like one too. There just isn't room for us both to like the same thing, and I know I'll fold.


What would your mum do?

Would she want your brain turning to mush in front of the idiot box, or would she want you to have a play outside with a real footy? Remind your footy fan of this. If they don't listen, it's because they don't believe you have any motherly authority over them. There are a few ways to subconsciously suggest you're their mum, so they'll really heed the message. You could tuck them into bed every night, do their laundry, slice crusts off their sandwiches... get creative

Reassess the relationship

I don't want to be a homewrecker, but if you're sharing a house with somebody - in any situation - where there's such a fundamental disagreement as this, maybe you should explore other options...


Or idk, book yourself a hotel every night the game is on.


Happy Young Relaxed Woman Watching TV At Home image by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels