As skate parks across the region re-open, there's one issue I'd like to clarify: I can definitely skate.
While the parks were closed due to COVID-19, you might have heard me bragging about my incredible flips, shuvits and grinds - and how, if only the parks were open, I'd be able to show you.
IDIOTS!! THEY CROPPED OUT MY FACE! - via GIPHY
Unfortunately, I have plans this weekend, and I won't be able to make it. I would love to show you my gnarly 720 degree kickflip and a sick ollie. I'd love to perform the raddest slide you've ever seen, then top that by doing it again with a blindfold on. It's what I've spent every weekend of my life doing, up until the COVID shutdowns happened.
AVRIL LAVINGE PURCHASED MY LIFE RIGHTS - via GIPHY
Yes, it is true that I asked my Dad for a scooter one Christmas, when I was six, but he did some research and decided it was too dangerous for me. But what you don't know is that I later STOLE a skateboard and learned it behind his back. I've mastered every trick and even taught Tony Hawk a few moves. Again, I'd show you but I'm really busy this weekend.
"BIG BOB LOZZA? I OWE HIM EVERYTHING!" - via GIPHY
You might have also heard me say that I know Tony Hawk personally, and even taught him a few moves. We talk all the time, but my phone is broken, and I can't prove that either. It's one more thing you'll just have to take my word for it. And don't tweet him either because his account is managed by his publicist, and she doesn't get our sense of humour.
Nothing would make me happier than to join you at the skate park and put an end to all these rumours and hearsay that I don't even have the basic balance to stand on a skateboard without being scared. But you'll just have to take my word for it. I think my schedule might be clear in a few weeks.
PFFT, THAT'S NOTHING - via GIPHY
Keep it real and cowabunga, dudes!
SkateBoard image courtesy of Naoki Tomeno via Flickr.